Too much

I know, I haven't written here in a long time. I haven't needed to. But my main blog site is down, and my relationship one is, well, I'm taking a break from dating.

Today has been so, so hard.

I started the day crying on my drive to work. Aaron couldn't go to school again; he woke up weak and twitchy. He'd woken in the night from a seizure. He hasn't been to school a full day since October 17.  A whole month. I just don't know what to do. I feel like the options we have from school aren't at all helpful.

Then work was just crazy busy. Stressful situations and just nonstop things going on. I'm definitely earning my raise.

And of course, I'm lonely and I still miss Chris, the last man that I dated. I have seen him in his truck several times this week on my way home from work (god how I wish he was on a different route). I know I'm not in a good place to meet anyone right now. I've gained weight, I'm a bit anxious and depressed, and my personal life is just complicated and messy. I cannot ask anyone to take that on. So I am just not even trying.

And tonight, my stepdaughter lost her dad for a few hours, and when she found him, he was angry and belligerent. He wants to die, and he got physical with his roommate. Of course I am sure he was not nice to her, either, because that's how he is even when he's NOT sick and dealing with side effects of chemo.

And I am in SO much physical pain from the bad fall I had the other night...I bruised both knees badly, but fucked up my shoulder blade something awful - my right shoulder blade, of course. Because I couldn't mess up my non-dominant arm! 

I just want things to be easy. Just for awhile, for god's sake. And to not feel so alone. PLEASE.