He was a mistake, but I loved him, and when I think about him too much, sometimes I still cry.
He was a mistake, but he was my husband.
And I loved him.
Saturday, February 24, 2018
Tuesday, February 13, 2018
Dejected
Hope...it feels very far away.
2 a.m., and I can't sleep. My broken right elbow is throbbing, despite pain meds. I'm worried about my stupid car, whose engine is apparently in need of replacement after only 66k miles, and on which I still owe several thousand dollars. I am facing immense medical bills for the workup for my son's possible brain surgery. I already have a $1300 bill for the ambulance for Joey that didn't even transport him anywhere.
My ex is driving me crazy with asking advice on taking a job with my company - I can't make these decisions for him. All the sudden he feels he has to consider our sick son when making career decisions - as if I haven't been doing that for the last 10 years.
My oldest still isn't working. He's nearly 22 and all he does is play video games and eat. Sometimes goes to see friends. He has no desire for anything else. He doesn't seem to be depressed anymore. He's just content to live off me. Of course since he totaled his car, he has no way to get to a job.
I'm worried that we will do all these tests and travel and surgery for Aaron - cut open his brain in Denver! - and that he will still have seizures. And that it might change his personality. And that all the time and money I am spending to fix this will be worthless.
Nothing feels right, and I'm alone dealing with it all. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I wish someone would save me. Maybe I'm just not worth saving.
2 a.m., and I can't sleep. My broken right elbow is throbbing, despite pain meds. I'm worried about my stupid car, whose engine is apparently in need of replacement after only 66k miles, and on which I still owe several thousand dollars. I am facing immense medical bills for the workup for my son's possible brain surgery. I already have a $1300 bill for the ambulance for Joey that didn't even transport him anywhere.
My ex is driving me crazy with asking advice on taking a job with my company - I can't make these decisions for him. All the sudden he feels he has to consider our sick son when making career decisions - as if I haven't been doing that for the last 10 years.
My oldest still isn't working. He's nearly 22 and all he does is play video games and eat. Sometimes goes to see friends. He has no desire for anything else. He doesn't seem to be depressed anymore. He's just content to live off me. Of course since he totaled his car, he has no way to get to a job.
I'm worried that we will do all these tests and travel and surgery for Aaron - cut open his brain in Denver! - and that he will still have seizures. And that it might change his personality. And that all the time and money I am spending to fix this will be worthless.
Nothing feels right, and I'm alone dealing with it all. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I wish someone would save me. Maybe I'm just not worth saving.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)