Randoms

I'm at that point again, where I think I maybe want to give up on online dating. It seems to be a waste of time. The ones I am interested in aren't interested in me, and vice versa. It creates a low level tension that permeates far too much of my mind and my days, and leaves this normally content woman very...wistful. Not a good place. It's hard for me to meet anyone in other ways, but I'm just starting to not care. I've been single nearly 2 years now and definitely in a much better place about it than I was then.

Speaking of dating and time...I have been thinking so much lately about not having much time left. That I am 42, and it's not inconceivable that I'm closer to my death than to my birth. I am starting to understand why some people have midlife crises, and I hope I don't become one of them. I think I'm responsible enough (3 kids makes that sort of necessary) that I won't do anything stupid, and yet...sometimes I feel like I need to do something drastically different. I'm hyper aware that I am coasting and have been for awhile, and I feel stagnant. In a rut. It's a bit soul crushing and I want to experience something new and that makes me feel alive. Not that I don't want to be alive now; I have things to do. But I'm a bit bored with it all.

I think of all these great things to write about when I'm doing something else, and can't write at that moment, and then I forget. I need to get better at jotting down notes on my phone.

I bought a dress today. Don't know if/where I will wear it. But I tried it on, it made me feel pretty, and it was only $15. So I bought it. Dressing room, being nearly naked with mirrors everywhere, was so depressing, though. I'm far too heavy and I keep eating more than I should to lose it and it sucks.

I miss my usual blog site. It's been down for months, with no indication it's ever coming back. I think I can handle the not being there more the loss of all the things I wrote - there was no way to print an archive (that I know of) so I never had a backup of my blog. Oh well.

Maybe I'll write again when I remember all that stuff I thought of when I was drying my hair.