Friendship: A Precious Collection

When I was younger, I felt the same way a lot of "not popular" girls felt: guys made better friends than girls. I don't know why - I had some really good girlfriends in high school, so it's not like I didn't know how to form, navigate, and enjoy those female friendships. But there was something about guys - like I could tell them anything. As I look back now I think maybe they were interested in being more than friends with me, and maybe that was why it was so easy for me. It probably was not for them.

At any rate, now that I am 40, I have done a lot of thinking about my female friendships. There is something about those relationships that is almost ethereal in nature; I am not sure how well I can put it into words, but I'm certainly going to try.

Relationships change - all of them do. Some of them survive the changes; some do not. Some are bound by geography or even just a sense of proximity, but some last long after the physical and metaphysical connections are frayed or even severed. In fact, ten years ago, I don't think I'd have believed I'd have a friend for 10 years or more. I thought I'd learned the nature of friendships was that they come and go, and to just enjoy them while they lasted.

But my very best friend in the world - we've been friends about that long, and I don't expect it to end, not ever, not even when one of us dies. And it has not always been smooth sailing. There was a time I thought our friendship was ruptured for good - when I married my soon-to-be ex-husband. She knew he was not good for me, and was unwilling to support me in the marriage. Clearly, I did it anyway. And she made her peace with it but never with him. And she turned out to be right, and never once has said, "I told you so." Instead, she held me in her heart through my tears.

She is my go-to girl, and I am hers. We understand one another in a way that probably no one else in this world does - no family members, no spouses, no other friends. We find each other in times of trouble, knowing whatever we've said or done, there will be no judgment, just acceptance. We'll seek one another's counsel on matters that we dare not share with anyone else. We find laughter in terrible moments, and cry with each other over everything - happy, sad, frustrating, angry, celebratory.

She is a bottomless pit of "interesting" - I will never stop being fascinated by her. It's a good quality to have in a friend.  She has the most open heart of anyone I know and I always wish that I could be like her in that way. And, sure, she gets hurt, but it doesn't stop her. It's one of the things I admire most about her.

This woman and I  - we have weathered so many storms together. Bad marriages, sick children, wayward children, personal health crises, financial difficulties, problems with other friends. We've gotten frustrated with each other and sometimes even mad at each other. But we always, always loved each other.

The kind of unconditional love that she has shown me, I don't know if I've ever quite received from anyone not related to me. I hope that I do that for her - I certainly try to. Neither of us is perfect (and honestly, we don't try all that hard to be because we both find it boring), and we accept one another with all our flaws and chinks in the armor and liver spots and scars.

I feel the need to add this: we do not live anywhere close to each other, so our friendship is not based on geography (although you could say it is somewhat based on the metaphysical proximity...we hang around the same places online!). In fact, we met online first, and it was several years before we met in person. She is in Kentucky; I am in New Mexico. But phones and the Internet keep us close in those many moments we cannot be physically near each other.

And, she's not my only friend. She's my very BEST friend, to be sure, but I'm blessed to know a lot of women who know me, love me, and want to spend time with me. There is a beauty in a collection of women being women together, dwelling in our gender and our shared and common life experiences, laughing and talking and enjoying friendship with others who understand.

I still have guy friends - of course I do; they are indeed capable of deep and meaningful relationships that don't involve sex. And they are dear to me. But my, what my girls do for me. They are my sisters, mothers, daughters, cousins, and everything in between, fulfilling me in ways that bring out my gratitude for a full and amazing life. They are, quite simply, precious.