Some days, it is harder to follow that advice than others. And yet, tonight on a drive through a dark, rainy night with slick shiny streets to an urgent care with a split-lipped son, I saw those two words. One car had a license plate "BEBRAVE" and another had "SURVIVR." How could I not turn that over in my mind a time or two?
Being brave, and counting on my history as a survivor, should come easily. In a way, it does. It's my practical Midwestern upbringing saying, "Girl, just get on with it."
But today, I see losses on the horizon stacking up. Fears that may or may not come true, but the hints of them have me in quite a state. And it's not that I think any of it will break me; no, I am wiser than that. But it feels like they will all hit at once, and I won't know how to cope or what to do. Just when I felt like maybe my life was coming together again - BAM! Another hit.
I need to get better at discarding the things that don't matter. No matter how much I want some things, they have proven to not be good for me. In the back of my mind, I think, "But it could get better! What if you were supposed to say yes this time? What if you miss something?" And I know it's faulty thinking - yes, anything COULD happen, but not everything is likely to. And if I could learn to do that, it would certainly ease some of the anxiety about events swirling around me.
And so...tonight I will gather my thoughts and my fears and my few stray tears, and I will read a book and kiss my boys and close my eyes and find the courage to survive another day.
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