Can't say it out loud

So I write it.

The thing is, I do care. About you. There. It's not a bunny boiler, stalker, obsessive thing. But I do care. It's a lot easier to NOT care, believe me - I've gotten pretty good at that. But I do, and I keep it in check because...

...because I live here, and you live there.
...because I've never met you in person (more on this later).
...because a good connection isn't always IT.
...because I keep hoping we'll each meet someone where the logistics are easier.
...because I think - maybe I even hope - your nights are sometimes spent with a lover.
...because no matter what, I think I'll always want you to be my friend.

I read a lot about whether you can truly know someone if you haven't met them in person. Some think you can't. I would argue the opposite. And furthermore, I think there are plenty of people we DO know in person, that we don't know as well as we think. One of my best friends in the entire world, I've never met in person. He's no less real or known to me than the people I see every day. He knows pretty much all my secrets. He knows what moves me, what I value, what I think. He often knows what I'll do next before I do. He knows me. And I know him. Never having been in the same physical place doesn't change that.

I fell in love with my 2nd husband online. Being in person with him was no different. I loved him before I ever held him. It happens. I think because of the way it ended, I'm reluctant now, but I am smart enough to know it wasn't the method of our introduction that caused the problems.

So I'll care about you, and it's ok if you do, or if you don't. But my heart's big, and it's strong.