I've learned it.

So, after my marriage ended, I was pretty desperate not to be alone. I joined multiple dating sites. I met some great guys; sometimes they ended up not so nice, sometimes I just didn't connect with them. I had many first dates - some that I thought went great and didn't go anywhere; others I could barely get through. Some of the men I dated, I still think about - mostly fondly. One or two I wish could have been more, but I'm at peace with their decision to not date me.

But what I have learned is that I'm already happy just on my own. I'm still on a couple of dating sites. I don't get the attention that I used to (I guess that's bound to happen when you're on there over a year). And I'm far more choosy than I used to be. I realized something not long ago: because I am content and happy with my life, it will take something pretty damn compelling to make me want to change anything about it. He may come along; he may not. But if he doesn't turn my eye AND my brain...I'm not giving it a second thought. My minutes are too precious for that.

I worry sometimes that it's ok being single when everything is ok - when there are no constant major crises as there have been in the past. I worry that if things go south, it will be harder because I'm alone. But I remember I do have family, I do have friends, and I'd figure it out. It would not be easy, but I would figure it out.

I do want love...of course I do. But I'm no longer of the mindset that NOT being in love, or even part of a couple, means my life is less fulfilling.

And that's a pretty fucking awesome realization.